the earthquake

Being in LA (or California in general) is literally a looming fate of “the Big One”…aka, that earthquake we keep hearing about. Is it a conspiracy? Are we really doomed? Who’s to say? Point of the matter is, as far as I am concerned, “the Big One” keeps shaking up my world and the Earth is still technically still.

Okay, here’s a look at the life of a college junior (!!!!!) who’s trying to have a great summer (HAGS!) but has a pretty shaken up world right about now. (*writing is therapeutic, so if this is what will help me cope with my current stress, then perhaps, it could help some of you as well)

A month before the semester ended and school let out, I was far from ready to go back home to New York. Don’t get me wrong here; I love it there and I miss my family dearly but there is a level of love and appreciation for my life in LA that going from somewhere where my dreams are looming in front of me like a puppet on strings to somewhere with high humidity and a lack of summer opportunities for me kind of…well, I think you get it. Long story short, I knew I would go back for a bit at some point this summer, but it sure wasn’t going to be the full time if I could help it.

But here’s the thing; I am wayyyy to over productive and since my passions align with my career, I am technically a “workaholic” and the longer I am here, the more I can’t say “no” to cool opportunities. This isn’t bad, of course, but then I crashed before Finals Week and ever since have been longing to go back to New York for a while. I love it here, but a break is greatly needed. That is exactly why I applied to everything and tried to make as many plans so that at least one or two of them would actually work out for me. Long story short, I needed the money and the opportunities to stay productive and avoid my typical summer slump. This was a journey started even before the new year so to be fair, I have spent this entire year so far “waiting to hear back” from so many people for so many different things.

AND THAT IS JUST IT; I really don’t care one way or another, I just want to know where I stand!

You probably can tell by this post alone that I typically like having control over my life but to be fair, I have recently come to the conclusion that not everything can be controlled. I’m still in LA and I still miss home and pretty much nothing has changed in regards to my standpoint for summer plans. This has gone on so long and I am so exhausted. So, when May rolled around, my plan looked like this…

  1. I would stay for the month (working on videos and miscellaneous LA stuff) and IF I heard back from an opportunity that would keep me longer, then I would decide at that point what I would do based on the situation.
  2. There’s a part two because the opportunity part seemed unlikely so in reality, I just wanted a bit of additional LA time and then when nothing popped up I’d be like “okay, LA! See you in a few months, I am going to peace out and chill back home because I deserve a break.”

…but then this week I have been bombarded by to-do’s. My fatal downfall?

  • F.O.M.O.
  • Workaholic towards passions
  • Either being overly or underly productive (there is no in-between!)

That sums it all up.

So now I am in the works of booking myself through freelance video services (hmu if you’re interested), writing a novel that has been “in the works” far too long, auditioning my butt off for so many projects because I am addicted and totally in the loop of this now and working on multiple videos a week to post twice on YouTube while building up the channel and this blog.

I’m very involved in my LA life right now but as my schedule leaks over to June and apparently, potentially beyond that, I honestly have next to no idea what to do. I can never fully win. Yes, I have two homes now; my one in NY with family, friends, and the comfort of the past (which who knows how long I have with the remnants of all of that!?!?) and the one in LA with dreams, opportunities, friends and my productivity levels at an all time extreme high. More than anything, I want to really embrace being in both but that is more difficult than anyone could possibly imagine. It isn’t easy for me to take a break from all of this LA-ness and it isn’t easy to be there and miss out on everything here.

So, what’s a girl to do?!?!?

I don’t know and I wish I did.

The hardest part is knowing that this is completely up to me now based on what I know presently and taking guesses about what could potentially happen. There is nobody and no excuse I can truly turn to right now to make this decision for me and that sucks too. Which is exactly why I am writing this out here. Writing helps and if it gets my thoughts out, it may help any of you who could be going through something similar.

Okay, so maybe the title is a bit clickbaity but in the words of Augustus Waters from The Fault In Our Stars, “it’s a metaphor”.

The symbolic earthquake is how my life is shaken up. I have a lot of control but at the same time, not that much. There is no right and wrong path to take and my current worlds are chaotic. Regardless, I will always keep hope on my side, I know now better than ever that everything truly is temporary and everything will work out. That doesn’t mean the stress consuming me right now feels any better.

I usually end posts with a question and even though this isn’t a normal topic I cover, a question is still in order, I suppose. So, what do you do when you are stressed? (also, what advice do you have for me with this situation? *lol I need it)

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